Dear QJC Family,
This weekend, we begin to mark the period known as “The Three Weeks” during which we mourn the destruction of the Beit Ha-Mikdash and our ongoing state of exile. In Hebrew, it is known as “Bein Ha-Metzarim.” There is a pasuk in Eicha that says:
גָּלְתָה יְהוּדָה מֵעֹנִי וּמֵרֹב עֲבֹדָה הִיא יָשְׁבָה בַגּוֹיִם לֹא מָצְאָה מָנוֹחַ כָּל רֹדְפֶיהָ הִשִּׂיגוּהָ בֵּין הַמְּצָרִים
– “Judah has gone into exile Because of misery and harsh oppression; When she settled among the nations, She found no rest; All her pursuers overtook her In the narrow places.” The Midrash explains that the term בין המצרים refers to the three weeks between Shiva Asar B’Tammuz and Tisha B’Av.
Here is a short guide that will address a number of matters pertaining to this time period, and I will also address issues that are specific to our observance this year. Please feel free to reach out to me if you have any specific/personal questions. Much of this guide reflects Ashkenazic practice; if you are Sefardi and are unsure of your practice, please consult with me or a Sefardi rabbi.
Shiva Asar B’Tammuz – July 21, 2019
• According to the Gemara (Taanit 26b), Shiva Asar B’Tammuz commemorates the day that the first Ten Commandments were broken, the korban tamid (daily offering) was discontinued, the walls of Yerushalayim were breached, and Apostamos burned a Torah and placed an idol in the Beit Ha-Mikdash. According to the Gemara, it was only during the Second Temple period during which the walls were breached on the 17th of Tammuz, but as indicated by Tanakh, during the First Temple period, the walls were breached on the 9th of Tammuz. Since the second destruction was more severe and still affects us, we observe the latter date, even though the fast overall is based on a biblical institution (Zecharia 8:19).
• Since Shiva Asar B’Tammuz falls on Shabbat, the fast is pushed off to Sunday. However, all mourning practices (see below) take effect immediately after Shabbat.
• The fast begins at 4:00 am and ends at 9:06 pm (if you find fasting difficult, feel free to reach out to me regarding the times).
o If you would like to eat before the fast begins, you should stipulate that before going to sleep the night before.
• Minyanim are at 7:15 am and 7:55 pm.
• I will give a shiur at 7:15 pm entitled “Why Were We Exiled? Various Reasons in Tanach and Chazal.”
• Especially given that this fast day falls on a Sunday, it is important to be mindful of the mood of the day – meant to instill a sense of mourning and to arouse teshuva – and to choose activities accordingly. See below for suggestions.
• Weather forecasts show extremely high temperatures both on Shabbat and Sunday. Please be sure to hydrate well on Shabbat/Motzaei Shabbat. Although one should not explicitly state on Shabbat that he or she is drinking in order to prepare for the fast, it is extremely important, especially in this scenario, to drink a lot before the fast. If you begin to feel sick, you may break your fast on Sunday, even if it is not a life-threatening “pikuach nefesh” situation.
o Pregnant and nursing women need not fast.
o If you normally take medicine with water and it is difficult to take without water, it is recommended to either add something bitter or use mouthwash. If those options are not possible, it is permissible to take the medicine with the smallest quantity of water possible.
o It is permissible to brush teeth and use mouthwash. Rav Hershel Schachter allows the use of Listerine PocketPaks as well. One should be careful not to swallow water.
Shiurim During Bein Ha-Metzarim
In an effort to prepare ourselves intellectually and spiritually for days on the Jewish calendar, I plan this year to give shiurim on seasonal topics. During the Three Weeks, I will give the following shiurim, all on Wednesday nights at 7:15 pm:
• July 24 - The Halachic Permissibility of the Jewish Music Industry
• July 31 - Is the 'Nine Days Siyum BBQ' Kosher?
• August 7 - Relating to Tisha B'av in 2019: Should 'Nachem' be Amended?
I encourage everyone, whether you are able or not to attend shiurim, to learn Torah related to the themes of the season over the course of the three weeks. Some recommended resources include
• Maggid Book’s Three Weeks Companion
• In the Narrow Straits by Dr. Erica Brown
• The Lord is Righteous in All His Ways edited by Rabbi Jacob J. Schacter (based on kinos explanations by Rabbi Joseph Soloveitchik zt”l)
• Jeremiah by Rabbi Binyamin Lau
• Virtual Beit Midrash
• YUTorah.org
• Of course, relevant sections in Tanach and classic halachic works that address the laws of this time period.
General Bein Ha-Metzarim Practices (from July 21-August 1)
• We refrain from making the blessing Shehechiyanu during the Three Weeks, in order to minimize our joy (Maharil) and/or because we experience a sense of tragedy that does not call for thanking God for allowing us to reach this time (Magen Avraham). Therefore, one should not buy new clothing upon which one would say Shehechiyanu. One should also avoid buying new cars, appliances, or other items that give one joy. However, if the item(s) in question benefit more than one person (such as a family), the berakha may be Ha-Tov v’Ha-Meitiv, and one could purchase them. If waiting until later would incur financial loss, or the item will not be available, one may be lenient to purchase, although it may be advisable to not use it until after Tisha B’av.
• We do not conduct weddings during the three weeks, although a couple may get engaged during this period. In a similar vein, we do not attend live musical performances. Some say that one may not listen to any music at all, even privately; others say a cappella music is acceptable but not instrumental; others say that only live music is prohibited. Even if one listens to music, it should still reflect the mood of this time period. Additionally, even if one is lenient during Sefirat Ha-Omer, it may be appropriate to be more stringent during the Three Weeks since music was part of the Beit Ha-Mikdash rituals, and we mourn that absence.
• Social gatherings and celebrations in general should be avoided during this time.
• Haircuts are prohibited during this period. Many men do not shave at all during this period, even on Erev Shabbat. However, Rabbi Joseph Soloveitchik zt”l held that one who shaves every day may do so during this period; certainly, if it is necessary for one’s livelihood it is permitted.
• Some poskim recommend avoiding risky activities during this period as well as particularly fun and pleasurable activities, although these prohibitions are not explicit. Some recommend this specifically for the Nine Days.
The Nine Days (from August 2-August 9)
• The Talmud says משנכנס אב ממעטין בשמחה – when Av enters, we diminish our joy. Some poskim and communities only applied some of the prohibitions above to this period. Either way, we increase our mourning practices during the first nine (or this year, ten) days of Av.
• There is a widespread custom to not eat meat or drink wine during this period to commemorate the discontinuation of the sacrifices and to minimize our joy. This does not apply to both of the Shabbatot that fall during the Nine Days. When making havdalah on Motzaei Shabbat (August 3), one should use beer, coffee, or pure orange juice.
• We do not do laundry or dry cleaning, even if a non-Jew does it for us. This applies to both clothes (other than undergarments) and non-clothing items (such as linens and towels). Likewise, we do not wear freshly laundered clothing, even if it was done before the Nine Days began. There are exceptions:
o We wear fresh clothing on Shabbat as we normally would.
o One may wash children’s clothes if necessary.
o If one wishes to do laundry before the Nine Days, briefly throwing them on the floor or wearing them before use is permitted.
• Rama writes that Ashkenazic practice is to refrain from bathing during the entire nine days. However, nowadays we shower more frequently, and it is unreasonable to go a week without showering. One should therefore bathe regularly, but it is best to shower in cooler water and for a shorter period of time than normal. On Erev Shabbat, one may shower normally.
• Barring potential financial loss, men should refrain from shaving.
• The Talmud discusses avoiding litigation with non-Jews during this period, as it is considered to be a period of poor luck.
• The Talmud discusses limiting activities in business, building, and planting in order to minimize joy. Some try to avoid expanding business activities. In any of these cases, one may be lenient where there is financial loss involved.
Shabbat Before Tisha B’av (Shabbat, August 10)
• This Shabbat is known as “Shabbat Chazon,” based on the haftarah we read that describes God’s first appearance to the prophet Yeshayahu.
• Because the ninth of Av is on Shabbat, we do not observe the fast on Shabbat.
• However, some private mourning practices are still observed.
o Therefore, marital relations and affectionate touch are prohibited on both Shabbat and Sunday. However, the (more stringent) harachakot (such as passing items) need not be observed. If one is scheduled to go to the mikveh Friday night, marital relations are permitted.
o One may (and should!) learn Torah.
• Mincha will be held at 6:00 pm. Seudat Shlishit will not be held in shul.
o Families may still have a regular Seudat Shlishit, even with meat and wine.
o Please be sure to finish eating by 7:59 pm. One may still bentch afterwards.
• Like with Shabbat before 17 Tammuz, it is important before a summer fast to be sure to drink a lot of water, but one should be careful not to say so in a way that suggests preparing on Shabbat for the next day.
Observance of Tisha B’av (Motzaei Shabbat August 10/Sunday, August 11)
• Tisha B’av traditionally mourns the destruction of the two Batei Mikdash, the day that God decree that the generation of B’nei Yisrael who left Egypt would not enter Eretz Yisrael, Beitar was captured, and Turnus Rufus plowed the sight of the Beit Ha-Mikdash (Taanit 26a). Since the Gemara, it has taken on greater significance, mourning the Crusades, the expulsion of Jews from Spain, France, and England, and the Shoah (including the approval of the Final Solution in 1941).
• Shabbat ends at 8:46 pm. We do not make a full havdalah until Sunday night, but one should say “Baruch Hamavdil Bein Kodesh L’Chol” before changing shoes and coming to shul. Additionally, if one will not be in shul for Ma’ariv, you should light a havdalah candle and say “Borei Me’orei Ha’esh” at home.
o Alternatively, I might suggest bringing shoes to shul before Shabbat, and then one can change them after Barechu.
• We will begin Ma’ariv and Eicha at 9:05 pm.
• One should deprive themselves of comfort on some level the night of Tisha B’av while sleeping. For example, if one sleeps with two pillows, it is suggested to sleep with one.
• There will be three minyanim on Sunday: One at 7:00 am in the Bais Hamedrash, 8:30 am in the Main Shul with kinos explanations by me, and one at 9:00 am in the Bais Hamedrash. There will be two Mincha minyanim: one at 1:40 pm and one at 7:30 pm. Ma’ariv is at 8:20pm.
o Remember if you do not daven in shul to add Aneinu and Nachem at Mincha.
• The five inuyyim that apply to Yom Kippur apply to Tisha B’av: we refrain from eating/drinking, wearing leather shoes, bathing, using perfumes/lotions, and marital relations (and other forms of affectionate touch; non-affectionate touch is permitted during the day of Tisha B’av).
o Pregnant and nursing women should fast. However, like anyone else who is sick, should she feel that fasting will cause undue agony and/or medical complications, she may eat. One who eats should say make havdalah first (on coffee or pure orange juice) and say Nachem in Birkat Hamazon.
o Poskim are more hesitant about brushing teeth on Tisha B’av. Mishna Berurah permits rinsing one’s mouth in the case of great discomfort but caution should be taken not to swallow. Listerine PoketPaks are permitted.
o Deodorant is permissible on Tisha B’av.
o We do netilat yadayim in the morning up until the kunckles.
• We sit on the floor or on a low stool until chatzot (1:00 pm).
• We refrain from learning Torah on Tisha B’av. With that said, I encourage everyone to choose activities that are consistent with the mood of Tisha B’av – in that sense, learning those areas of Torah pertaining to Tisha B’av (e.g. its halachot, laws of mourning, Eicha and its midrashim, Yirmiyahu, Iyov) or Holocaust literature is appropriate. See above for additional recommendations. The shul will also be playing videos throughout the afternoon that are in the spirit of the day. There are also videos available on the Orthodox Union’s website, including live webcasts.
• We refrain from greeting each other throughout the day (of course, if greeted, one should respond gently).
• Tallit and tefillin (except for tallit katan) are postponed to mincha. Once putting on tefillin at mincha, one should recite the four parshyiot tefillin as would normally be said.
• Fast ends at 8:44 pm.
• Havdalah should be recited at the end of Tisha B’av – we just say Borei Pri Ha-Gafen and Ha-Mavdil. Grape juice/wine may be used for havdalah.
• Since Tisha B’av is postponed this year, we refrain from eating meat and drinking wine (except for Havdalah) until Monday morning. It is permissible to shave and do laundry Sunday night.
I would like to end by reminding ourselves that we should not lose sight of the forest for the trees. While halacha helps us externally display our sense of mourning, the essence of mourning is the internal feelings we have, and as hard as it is for anyone to do, we should strive to take time throughout these three weeks to contemplate the meaning of the observance of this period. Of course, throughout this time especially, both on the fast days and in between, we should strive to treat each other and all of Klal Yisrael with the utmost respect.
G-d willing, next year, we will be in Yerushalayim, celebrating Tisha B’av as a holiday rather than a day of mourning.
כל המתאבל על ירושלים זוכה ורואה בשמחתה!
One who mourns Yerushalayim will merit to see it in its joy (Ta’anit 30b)!
Sincerely,
Rabbi Judah Kerbel
Graduation Kiddush 2024
